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Online Dating tips Busting the Myths

Today we are going to be busting the myths surrounding online dating, we are going to look at popular myths and we are going to bust them. When it comes to online dating, a lot of people are still very skeptical and they really don’t trust the idea of meeting someone online and spending the rest of your life with that person.

Myth #1 Internet people cannot be trusted

When you think of meeting someone, no matter how you meet them, you will have to take their word when they tell you who they are and what they do, what is the difference between meeting someone at a club or in a plane, or on a dating site? OK, I understand that when you meet someone on a plane, you can probably read their body language and maybe make some decisions about the person.

But the truth is, if a person is deceitful, you can still be lied to even when you meet someone the old fashion way, actually I think by communicating with someone online before meeting in person, could be the best way to learn more about them and to ask some hard questions, that way when you do meet in person, you already have an idea, what kind of person they are.

I also think that by communicating with someone online, covers a lot of things in a short time that maybe would take a very long time to be covered the old fashion way, I mean all you have when doing online dating, is talk whether on the phone or text, you will be talking a lot and that means you will share lots of information with each other.

Sure there are people who join dating sites with ulterior motives as we have seen in many articles that I have already written about safety while online dating, but there are millions of people who are genuinely searching for love and therefore it’s not correct to say that just because someone met their significant other online, that their relationship is somehow unreal.

But think about it, if your friend met his/her significant other on the internet and you are questioning the person they met, aren’t you questioning your friend too?  he/she was online too, it’s not like that person just found them, your friend created a dating profile on a dating website or dating app.

Myth #2 Asian women and African women are better home-makers than their American and European counterparts

This one I have a lot to say about because it’s one stereotype that I have lots of problems with, OK first of all, there is no way you can take a whole Continent and take all the women in that Continent and put them in a box and make a decision about them and say they are like this or like that, that’s just wrong, we are talking about millions of people here.

Different background different personalities, and different cultures and beliefs. OK obviously I am African and I will start with African women, now there is no way I can speak for all African women because first of all Africa is a very big place, and Actually I am so sick and tired in this age of google maps, people still referring to Africa as a country.

Africa consists of 54 different countries, that means different people, different economies and different governments and different languages. And while we are at the issue of Africa being a Continent, Egypt is in Africa too. And no all Africans are not the same.

OK now the myth, there is a misconception when it comes to African women, People join African dating sites like Afrointroductions, looking for an African bride because they think once they take the African woman to Europe or to America, she is just gonna be doing housework like cooking and cleaning and she will not want to do anything else with her life.

That is a myth, most of the African women that join dating sites are well-rounded women, they are probably college educated and I can promise you, once she gets to Europe or America, she will want to further her studies and get a good job, the thing is who doesn’t want to have a good job and better their life? The same things that the American women want, it’s the same things that African women want.

In addition to a good loving man, every woman wants a nice house, nice shoes, jewelry, nice clothes, nice hair, hey even a nice car why not? The only thing is that, in developed countries, like the US and some countries in Europe, women have good jobs and they can afford to get whatever they want, and so maybe some do become overconfident and perhaps even arrogant toward men, but that does not mean that we can put all American or European women in a box and judge them and say they are materialistic.

I believe there are good people and bad people everywhere in the world, I also believe that there are humble people and arrogant people everywhere in the world so it really depends on the individual

Its as simple as that, now our culture as Africans is different, we are more family oriented and we do stick together as a family so you will find that the African woman will want to get close to your family and she might treat your parents with the same respect as she would her own parents, in fact in all African culture, as far as I know no matter which country it is, and I think this is something we all have in common as Africans.

You are not supposed to call your parents in law by their names, you are to call them Mom and Dad just as you do your own parents. well, at least that’s how it should be generally, but again, people are different so it really depends on the woman as a person. And it will also depend on the relationship between the inlaws and the new bride, but even if they don’t get along, it’s not allowed to call them by their names.

The biggest myth about Asian women, is that they are soft-spoken and they are homemakers, they love to cook and clean and they do as they are told, again this is so wrong, I see so many documentaries where men from Europe and the US travel to Thailand and the Philippines to find a bride, then they get to America and start complaining that their humble soft-spoken wife has changed into a devil woman.

Again, you cannot assume that people from a certain Continent are, all the same, it really depends on the individual, sure their culture could require them to be soft-spoken, but that does not mean that’s how they are by nature. And also, just because you brought someone to America thinking you have found a doormat or a servant, and now they have started acting independent, does not make them a devil woman.

Besides, America is considered by many as the land of the free, so maybe once she gets into America, she feels free and more confident and ready to show her true colors, I mean in some countries women are really oppressed so when they get to places where they have rights, well things do get real.

Every woman regardless of where they come from, we do love beautiful things and that is a fact. Now there are some women who are just greedy and would do anything to get into the high society but, there are those who just want a normal life with a husband and maybe children, but they too want to make something of their lives.

Myth #3 All African and Asian women would do anything to gets to the US or to Europe

OK, this is a big one, first, let’s see, are there women who are willing to do anything to relocate to Europe or the US? The answer is yes, there are some people who would do anything including faking being in love, for the purpose of relocating to these places, the reason for this is that they think life is better and easier in these parts of the world.

If one of those is reading this, I advise you to do your research because life can be hard anywhere in the world, I mean looks at the US for example, life is hard there too, people are losing jobs, people are losing their homes, there is struggle everywhere, trust me I have been in the US and I have seen how hard life can get there.

And this Apply to Europe too, people are facing difficulties regardless of your geographical situation, so if you want to do online dating, just do it to look for love and to try to find someone who will treat you right, who will love you and treat you with respect, money and other things, you can work together to get.

So as we have seen yes there are women who are desperate to relocate to Europe and the US in search of greener pastures, does this mean all African and Asian women are desperate and would do anything to relocate to these places? absolutely not, it’s not everyone who is desperate to relocate, they might be willing to relocate if they find the right person but that does not mean they are desperate to do so.

I will give you an example with myself, if you have read my article about K1 visa, then you know that I did go through the K1 visa process and it was successful and I was able to travel to the US with intention of getting married and settling there, well as you know things did not work out with that relationship and I did not get married.

Now I could have continued to stay there if I wanted to, I have many friends and I do have relatives who live in the US and I could’ve made a decision to ask them for help to stay there but I chose to go back to my country, because my intention was to travel there to get married and build a home with that man, and when that failed, I was devastated and I just wanted to go back home.

So no it’s not everyone who gets on a dating site is chasing a green card, I say just gets to know someone and judge them based on their words and their actions and not by the Continent they come from or the color of their skin, or even their economic status, just gets to know someone before you stereotype.

Myth #4 All American and European people are rich

This is something that people from developing countries need to know, all European or American people are not rich, sure there are some rich people in these places but there are rich people in Africa and in Asia too. OK so maybe there aren’t many people in America who are living under the poverty line meaning they are living on under a dollar a day, but there are poor people in America just as there are poor people in other parts of the world.

Lets just say that, because these countries are developed, their kind of poverty is not the same as the poverty in developing countries, for example, in Europe, the governments do provide housing for their poor and they do provide other kinds of support like medical and other necessities, in some countries they even provide food. Keep in mind that this kind of support is for citizens of these countries.

But in these countries people are working very hard to have a comfortable life, some people will be lucky if they get 4 hours of sleep, they are working day and night, some two or even 3 jobs just to get the bills paid, which means when you see a foreigner on a holiday lets say in Africa or Asia, some of them have been saving up for years in order to make that holiday.

I was actually just recently speaking to a couple who were on holiday and I asked them so do you go on holiday every year? and they told me that they had been saving for 3 years to be able to go on that holiday, so no it’s not everybody who is rich in Europe or in America. The misconception is that because the currency in Europe is stronger than let’s say a Kenyan shilling.

When you mention that you are getting paid lets say just for the sake of this post lets say you make 1000 euros, if you convert that into Kenya shillings, you will get 100k that’s one hundred thousand Kenya shillings, now that kind of money in Europe is nothing because things are so expensive, but in Kenya you could do a lot of things with that kind of money.

And that’s why people in developing countries think that there is a lot of money in Europe and America but the truth is, life is so expensive that people are killing themselves with work just to stay afloat.

Myth #5 All European and American people are romantic

After writing that headline I couldn’t help but laugh, I mean don’t get me wrong, most of the European and American people could be considered more romantic than their counterparts in lets say Africa, but in reality that is not true, the reason why European people are considered romantic is mainly because of their culture and upbringing, for example in Europe flowers are very much valued.

And it’s actually traditional to bring a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine to someone’s house if you are invited for dinner, it’s also traditional to give your wife or girlfriend or boyfriend flowers( yeah some guys do appreciate a bouquet of flowers)

Now as Africans, even though these days things are changing and we are adopting the traditions of giving each other flowers, it wasn’t that way before so that’s why you would hear African women claiming that African men are not romantic.

Actually this reminds me of a very interesting conversation I had with my grandmother a while ago, it was valentine’s day and even though I really didn’t fully understand the meaning of the day, I had read somewhere that people should dress in red and so I dressed in red from head to toe, my grandmother asked me, why are you dressed like that you look dangerous. To her red represented danger.

My grandmother and valentine’s day


So I explained to her that it was a day that people wear red and the guys are supposed to give women flowers, she considered this for a second and asked me, where are they(the guys) supposed to get these flowers from, I told her they have to go into town and buy them, so I asked her do you want me to tell grandpa to go and get you some flowers?

To this, she answered, why would you do such a thing? I said well, you are his wife and he is supposed to get you some flowers, to this she answered, if you are going to ask him to get me something, it should be either something I can eat or something I can wear, not some useless flowers that I am going to give to the goats tomorrow.

So my point here is it’s not that African men are not romantic, it’s that they have a different way of showing it like making sure the family is taken care of, taking the wife or girlfriend to a hair salon or a spa, buying her useful things like clothes shoes, etc. The thing is because now people are seeing things on TV and on social media, they assume that that’s how it is in western countries.

But I can assure you the same way you think that African men are not romantic, it’s the same way many American and European women think that their men are not romantic, just because you’ve been watching the translated Telemundo soap opera, that is not how real life is, that’s TV, my friend,.

The issue of one person being romantic or not, it’s an individual thing, some are and some are not, but if you share with your significant other, what you like, I am sure if they love you, they will try their best to be romantic, but then again, I believe in letting someone be themselves and not trying to change a person.

Hey if you love flowers, and you feel your boyfriend is not getting enough flowers, I say why don’t you buy yourself some?there is nothing wrong with that, besides if he sees you buying them for yourself, he will get the point and get you a bouquet now and then.

Also the tradition of big engagement parties, we especially in Kenya didn’t have those and there was no engagement rings either, you were considered engaged if your boyfriend came to your parents house with some elders to ask for your hand in marriage, so this whole thing that is going on now women wanting expensive engagement rings, that was not there before.

In fact on your wedding day, you were not supposed to be wearing any kind of ring, because you were to wear only your wedding ring when the Priest says to do so.

So those are some of the myths I wanted to bust today, if you have another myth you want me to bust, please let me know by leaving me a comment and I will gladly do so. Also, I really would love to hear your views on this topic so please drop me a line or two on the comment section, I would love to interact with you.

Thank you so much for your time

Rose

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2 comments on “Online Dating tips Busting the Myths

  1. I think that was my biggest reason for never using online dating, people on the internet cannot be trusted. Now I’m married and off the market so I do not need this advice, but my brother could absolutely use this in his life. I think you brought to light how great online dating can actually be for people.

    I will pass your article over to my brother, because I think he could really benefit from your information. Thank you!

    1. Well, David, almost everyone is on the internet these days, so that’s a lot of people to not trust. I think everything we do in life is a risk so its really up to the person to decide how big of a risk they are willing to take.
      Even by meeting someone at work or at a wedding and deciding to ask them out is a risk.

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